He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
