we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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