Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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