Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
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Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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