Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
