I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
you never un-have a 4some
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
