Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
