I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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