i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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