Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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