Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize