Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
