what day is it and did you see me today?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
