So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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