I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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