Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
