Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
