This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
