Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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