All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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