So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Are we still banned from the library?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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