I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Pants are for mortals
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
