Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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