i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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