Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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