addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
