he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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