I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
