you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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