I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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