I faked an abortion last night.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
