i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
