You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
