I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
