What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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