Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
