Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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