Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
