I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
