i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
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I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
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Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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