i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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