We're facebook friends in real life
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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