apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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