He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
