so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
