I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
