there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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