I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.