i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
