dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize