Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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