5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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