Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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