he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
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Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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