White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
