My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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