If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
