There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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