We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
