Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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