How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
